Lessons I learned in the kitchen
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In January of 2015, I put the idea of starting a blog out there, however it had been on my mind for much longer than that. I had no idea what it was going to be about, but I knew I just wanted to start writing and forcing my friends and maybe even the world to read it. (Ooops did I say that out loud?!) I went through various topics, and my friends had loads of suggestions for me - many of them revolving around cake. This is not a new theme - several years ago, before google, social media and youtube were a thing, my friends suggested I should star in a cooking show called Saf’s caff where I baked and talked about baking. Despite all of this, I don’t write a lot about baking or cooking, apart from the occasional lesson I learned which involved some sort of baked good (I’ll link below). Instead, I started a blog 2 years ago writing about the 39 lessons I learned before I turned 40. And I must have had a special insight even then, because I named the blog 39 and counting, and I have been writing lessons ever since.
As we enter a new decade I am wrapping up the lessons I learned in the past decade, and today I write about the lessons I learned in my kitchen! So for all of my friends who wanted me to write a blog post (or an entire blog or TV show) about baking, here you go! And if there is one thing I have learned over the years - baking is a metaphor for life! So I might slip some life lessons in there also.
It won’t look like the recipe book (or the Tasty © video). I have been learning this lesson since I started cooking and baking years ago. It used to upset me. A LOT. I remember one night years ago when I lived in Leicester baking a chocolate cake to take to a friend’s house for dessert. It fell apart. I can remember it like it was yesterday - I was so livid! My friends sent me to bed, and stuck it together with chocolate icing. That took the edge off my mood, but it didn’t erase the fact that I was kind of a perfectionist when it came to my baking. No matter how delicious it tasted, and even the times when it looked pretty impressive, I was not satisfied, because it wouldn’t look like it did in the recipe book. I later learned that sometimes those photos aren’t even of real food, and even when they are, I was comparing what was often a first try to a professional team of bakers and photographers. And this is a metaphor for life. Sometimes we compare our reality to people’s airbrushed social media, and it leaves us dissatisfied - even if we have a tasty cake right in front of us - I do. I needed to learn that there is no such thing as perfect, and that instead I should take advice I heard on America’s test kitchen © and - don’t name it until it’s done. Expectations can strangle the joy of reality - especially for perfectionists like me. It made me miss the promise of delicious cake, and good times spent with friends and family - because I was too busy stewing about a lopsided cake. When I embraced that it wouldn’t look like the recipe book (and indeed that was ok) then I was able to enjoy what was in front of me.
Never bake when it rains. This was the subject of recent blog posts which I will link to at the end of this one. But needless to say there are many good reasons for this. Here is an excerpt from those posts to explain why “rainy days are for coconut bread” - which is a Bajan delicacy that does not rely on creaming butter or whisking eggs, but instead unites the flavours of grated dry coconut, raisins, essence and mixed peel (or orange zest if you are me). ...factors like humidity and the rain can also affect my baked goods, especially those that are technique sensitive like baked meringues and sponge cakes. In addition, moving back to Barbados has meant that other aspects of my recipe are affected by the heat and humidity in my kitchen - such as spinning sugar and tempering chocolate. Even yesterday - I attempted to make peanut butter filled chocolate chip cookies which required me to put blobs of the peanut butter in the freezer, and then wrap the dough around it. The dough wouldn’t wrap (my hands were a bit too warm) and the peanut butter blobs were melting fast, so the cookies did NOT work out the way they looked when I watched The Food Network © earlier in the morning. So if you live in a temperate country remember that baking in the summer and winter can yield different results, as well as if you move to somewhere elevated or below sea level... And the same way that there are environmental factors that can affect our baking, there are things that can also affect us in life. There are some factors that can trigger us to be angry or sad, or that can affect us badly, and there are other things that can bring us joy and life. For me, over time I have noticed that there are some things that can trigger my mood such as lack of natural light and time outside. I noticed when I lived in England, especially in winter, how much the lack of sunshine and time outside affected me. I would make a special effort to go out walking at lunchtime - rain or shine, and ensure that I could stack the odds in my favour when it came to also doing those things that lit me up such as - seeing the autumn colours, visiting friends, and planning breaks and time off. Even after moving back to Barbados, I know the things that fill me up include going to the beach and watching the sunset, and of course baking! So the bigger advice here is - know what triggers you and what brings you joy and use this knowledge to manage your well-being.
Love is giving. Love is taking. This may not sound like a lesson about baking cakes, but you can bet your sweet a- that it is. I wrote about this at one of my lower points over the past few years, when I was stuck on my couch with a fractured ankle, and I reflected on the fact that food made made with love tastes better. It really does! And I also learned there is as much love in receiving as there is in giving. I’ll link to the full post below, but here is an excerpt. One of the things I noticed today while we ate lunch is that food seems to taste so much better when it is made with love. I definitely mentioned this in a previous post, but I am now quite convinced of it. I noticed that when I cook for others, it taste almost as good as when they cook for me!! And definitely better than when I am just cooking for myself. Not because I don’t love myself, but because there is always an extra bit of love in there when you are making food for someone you love. By “coincidence” I also had a chance to watch a short video, by one of my favourite authors Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and something that she said stood out to me: “girls are often raised to see love as only giving” and she goes on to say that “to love is to give and to take”. This is something I am learning as I am getting used to my fancy footwear here on the couch, even if I learn the lesson kicking and screaming every step of the way. You see – taking (receiving) is not something that I do very well. It is the kind of thing that I analyse to death, because I am not even sure I am doing it correctly! And I definitely do not know how to do it with grace. So it was a gentle nudge to me that there is as much love in giving as there is in taking. The fact that is that food which someone makes for me with love tastes so good – but in order to receive that love, I need also to receive the meal. I am still learning to accept so be patient with me.
Never bake at night. (Trust me on this one.) This is a personal one for me - and it is practical. Because when I am tired, I forget stuff - like baking powder (this happened a couple of weeks ago) or I doze off and I am awoken by the smell of burning cakes. Other night time baking disasters include - turning on the oven to preheat it while there was stuff in there (one of these bits of “stuff” was a knife with a plastic handle which melted and coated the base of my oven… Not pretty) confusing salt for sugar (I was in someone else’s kitchen and as an aside - do NOT have salt and sugar in identical unlabelled containers… you are just asking for trouble!) and trying to double a recipe but only doubling half of the ingredients. In truth - my brain just works better in the morning and so it makes far more sense for me to go to sleep, and get up early to tackle baking. I have already explained why I don’t bake at night. But it took me a long time to accept this about myself. Instead, I would be annoyed and beat myself up over the simple mistakes that I tended to make at night, but less so during the day. It was when I accepted that there is an ebb and flow to life that I stopped being so hard on myself, and instead worked with how I felt, that baking and life became a lot more manageable. The truth is sometimes I am at my peak in terms of energy and focus, and other times I am winding down and need rest. And there is a lot to be said for honoring that ebb and flow, and going with it. When I started to do this, I found that the things that took me an hour at night took twenty minutes in the morning when I was more alert, and I realized that sometimes pushing past our own limits can be a complete waste of time and energy. Some time ago, I also wrote about the rate limiting factor (link below), and the fact that sometimes it is the very thing that we are ignoring (such as the signals from our body that we need rest) that can have the biggest effect on our outcomes. So now, if I can absolutely help it, I don’t bake at night, and if I feel a strong pull to rest, I tend to do it.
Try something new! This is the biggest gift and lesson I have received from my love for baking - it is the desire to try new things. I am a learner, so I love a new technique, a new recipe, a new flavour combination. Sometimes things work beautifully. And sometimes it is a kitchen disaster. Either way - I am still alive, and still baking, so this tells me that I can embrace trying new things. And the best way to try new things is with a friend by your side!
I hope you enjoyed these lessons from my kitchen and learning a little more about what happens when Saf bakes cakes. You can check out a few more of my posts about cooking/baking - links below - and let me know - what is your favourite thing to bake? And what lessons have you learned in your kitchen?
And I send you big love from a small island.
PS my latest creations (or recreation) - Nigella’s home made Custard Creams. They were yummy!!
PS - links from the posts listed above
Love is Giving, Love is Taking