The 5 things I know to be true about writing.

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It took longer than I expected, but I finally am at my 10th lesson that I learned in the last decade. As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the proudest moments of the past decade was having a published book to my name. You can read more about that here. But some of the sweetest lessons I have learned came in the last few years of the decade after I started my blog, and made writing a part of my everyday life (even though I don’t write every day). This practice has brought me the last lessons of the decade, lessons I have learned about writing. These are super personal to me, and it seems only fitting that I was able to truly articulate them right at the end of the last decade, that they be the last of this series. 

 Writing these out was an exercise from my coach (and props to her for being amazing! I’ll post a link to her page at the end of this) and it illuminates not only what I know to be true about writing for me, but is full of tips for anyone who feels a desire to start their own writing practice - whether it be journaling, blogging, writing fiction, short stories or even writing their own life story. I would love to know what is true for you when you think about your own writing practice! Here are mine.

1. I am not alone. While I would like to take full credit for everything I write, the truth is that the experience of writing has made me ponder the forces out there that are bigger than me, and that I feel connected to through my writing. I honestly feel more like a conduit - like a tap is being turned on when I sit in front of my computer, and the words are pouring through it from - wherever words come from. It almost feels like somewhere, these words and ideas are already written and was waiting for me to listen to the whispers in my heart and soul, to sit and write. While I do not doubt my knowledge or wisdom, I often feel as if the writing is coming from somewhere else entirely, and that I am simply accessing it and making it available to my readers. It feels more like a partnership than anything else (although I have no idea who my partner is!) and sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it is about me. It is a real comfort when I am sitting alone at my computer.

2. There’s more where that came from. I used to worry about running out of ideas - especially in the early stages of my blog. My first blog project was 39 lessons I learned before I turned 40, and I remember getting to 27 or so and wondering how I would get to 39. In the end, I did, and since then I have written so many more blog posts, so many lessons. Last October, I took on the challenge to write a post every day, and I was able to achieve it! Last year, I wrote the book that I would later publish, and in November, I wrote a novel for fun, and this year, I managed to do both of those things in one month, along with a number of blog posts. I am no longer worried about running out of ideas. Instead, I know that creativity begets more creativity, and as long as I stay true in my writing, and listen to the nudges of direction, I will continue to have ideas and my creativity will continue to renew itself.

3. It won’t turn out the way I think. If I could give new writers - especially those writing books - one piece of advice, it would come from a fellow writer Emily Tamayo Maher, who always says “don’t fret - it’s going to turn out differently anyway”. The truths that (1) it will never turn out how I expect it to turn out AND (2) that it will turn out exactly how it is supposed to took me a long time to reconcile in my mind. No matter how much I planned the chapters and the content, the story would often go off into a different direction to what I expected, often taking me by surprise. It took me a while to learn to lean in and trust that the story knows where it is going, and all I have to do is listen and write - a far better strategy than trying to steer it back on track the way I want it to go.

   I have found this to be true both in fiction and in non-fiction - and even when the stories that I am telling are my own. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t true, but sometimes the lesson that I think will come out becomes something else entirely. And it is always a thousand times better than I could make it if I was relying on my own control and decisions about where it should go. I have learned to let go of the attachment - not only to the outcome but to the process itself.

   These days when I am writing, I find it easier to ignore any “rules” - in fact, I have not read many books on writing and creativity (since I know how easily influenced I am). I just follow the whisperings as they come to me, and let the story dictate for itself. This has also meant that sometimes I have started to write something, and it hasn’t been ready, and I have to put it away, and return to it when it is. (And sometimes it is I who isn’t ready to trust the process, and when I am ready there it is waiting on me).

4. Throw away the rules. I have found that over time as I write, I am less concerned about the rules, and the right/wrongs of it. I think it helps that when I started writing, I never worried much about them. I am pretty sure that I had been writing my blog for well over a year, before I realized that even google would have to hire a private detective to find it. I knew nothing about SEO and never bothered to make it the “ideal length”. I simply wrote. We can discuss the pros and cons of that over a cup of tea, but I don’t have any regrets. I don’t work well under pressure, and in fact, I realize that when I have tried to conform in my writing to make my blog posts, or books the “right length” or full of keywords, I get blocked, and it is only when I am able to release my expectations and throw away the rules that I can write freely. 

5. Ignore the doubts. This probably took the longest. The truth is - the voices of doubt and that inner critic never go away. I realized while I wrote a recent book that there is a stream of critical voices running through my head. They tell me that the book is rubbish, and ask me if I think my concepts are too simple… or complex for the reader. If my work is relevant. If I even have any good ideas. If anyone would be interested in reading it. If I should leave it to someone else. Someone with more knowledge, or structure. To better writers.

   There is also another voice. This voice is quieter but somehow firmer. This voice uses few words. This voice doesn’t try to engage me in reason or logic. When I was writing my latest book, I took a few attempts at it, and I didn’t get past the first 2 pages. I am not exaggerating. I had a number of ideas, and I always started the process by doing research, so that I could make the book smarter and full of more facts. A couple of weeks ago when the idea came to nudge me again, my first instinct was to go into a group I belong to and ask the health coaches there if I could follow a few of them, so that I could get some more information for the book.

   This time I heard a firm No. The other voice told me that I already had everything I needed - something that I have heard often over the past few years. That voice told me that I needed to write it - exactly how I wanted to write it. I understood this as - no airs and graces. No need for fancy knowledge or studies - that could come later if necessary. I needed to trust and write - it was as simple as that. After spending months not being able to write 2 pages, once I leaned into trust, I was able to write and with more ease and flow.

   Sometimes it is hard not to listen to all the critical voices, but I also know now that it isn’t mandatory to listen to them, and that they may not even be true. This other voice has spoken out to me before, telling me to have faith, to keep writing. Sometimes it tells me to call a friend, or even to visit. It almost never answers my questions - at least not with the type of answers I want. But when I am writing, it is so easy to hear that voice, to follow it and to believe that as long as I keep writing, things will turn out exactly as they should.

These are the things I know to be true when I write. It doesn’t mean it is always easy, but they do give me courage and hope when I am finding it difficult. Phew!! I feel like I went a little deep there, but I hope you enjoyed it.

In the meantime, I send you big love from a small island.

PS I sometimes use unsplash.com to get photos for my blog, and today I got this great one!

And since I like to give credit: photo by Mike Tinnion on Unsplash