How I learned to finish what I started (part 2)

Last time I kicked off this new series about the lessons I have learned this decade here by talking about what I learned about finishing what I start. I talked about the steps I take at the beginning of projects that help me finish. Today I talk about what I do while I am doing the project that helps me to cross the finish line.

During the Project

Ok - you’ve started your project. You fought all the fears about starting, you have a rough outline, and you have a routine when it comes to the daily tasks that are involved in your goal. You know what you want the end result to be, and you have built up your courage through small actions and small wins. Now the work begins, as you are heading towards that goal. How can you work towards your goal and improve your chances of finishing strong? I’ll tell you some more of what worked for me!

What didn’t help?

Rigidity. If there is one thing I learned - whether I finished a project or not - is that things NEVER go according to the plan (this is a lesson I expand on in another post, and part of the reason why I hold my plans lightly - if I plan at all. But more on this later). So one of the first things I had to release was sticking rigidly to the schedule, to my expectations of how things “should be”, and to how I perceive other people’s attempts at the same project went. Most of my projects were less of a running race and more of an obstacle course. They required a combination of skills - some I was better at and some I was worse at. Sometimes it required me to have help or support, sometimes it required me to have wine or chocolate. So one thing I found critical to finishing was adaptability.

What did help

Being adaptable is I think one of the most critical skills in finishing any type of project. Being able to change direction or take a diversion - sometimes at a moment’s notice. Sometimes we come back on track, and sometimes we veer of entirely - and it is possible to do this and still achieve success. It is important to remember during this that roadblocks or setbacks aren’t failures, but instead are part of the path to success. My ability to adapt to a situation not looking/going how I expected, or having to deal with interruptions (whether related to or irrelevant to my goal) will gave me the best chances of finishing.

What didn’t help

Perfectionism. The finished product will not be perfect. Let’s say it again for those at the back. Your finished product will not be perfect. This was probably the biggest thing I learned as I worked through any goal or project. That my end result may be good, it may even be amazing. It may be better than I expected, and beyond my wildest dreams. But it. Will. Not. Be. Perfect. I always had ideas about how I wanted things to turn out, what the perfect outcome would look like. These were the visions I had in my head when I first started dreaming about the project or goal. What I didn’t realize or couldn’t articulate, was that I also had an idea of how the process would go. I pictured myself easily running 13.1 miles. While writing my book, I pictured myself sitting at the computer typing effortlessly, ideas flowing, signing books at my launch, the smell and feel of that book in my hands. For you it may be planning a home renovation, and you picture yourself cooking in your brand new kitchen, or sitting around the table of a freshly painted room with your family and friends. I learned that all of those things are achievable. But you might need to change the electrician a few times. I spent days/weeks tending to my sore feet and chafed skin. You won’t see the imposter syndrome you may feel when you hit publish on your book. I didn’t see the million tasks that I had to complete and OK before I could hold that copy in your hand, or the things that went wrong or didn’t happen at all. So right now, let go of perfectionism. This truly helped me get to the end of anything I finished.

What did help 

First - go back to the previous section and repeat the second sentence. The finished product will not be perfect. So perhaps one of the most important things you can do is release perfectionism right here and now. This doesn’t mean that you are going to end up with something sloppy or that you should accept shoddy work from yourself or from anyone working with or for you. But it is more in your approach to the project. As I mentioned before - adaptability plays a big part in this. I found that the difficulty with being a perfectionist is the risk of giving up when things don’t go according to the plan. We may agonize over a sentence, trying to make it perfect instead of finishing that first draft. We might not even start because we don’t think that the end product will be perfect. I know people who fell into this trap and never launched the project of their dreams (or at least not yet. I’m gonna forward this blog post to them!!) I learned to remember that done is better than perfect. That imperfect finished product is so much better than the perfect one that exists only in my head. I learned this time and time again in the voluntary work that I do. Sometimes we don’t hit our fundraising target, or people drop out of their commitments at the last minute. However, we are still able to complete our projects and keep our commitment to our youth and our community, and that is always the better alternative

What didn’t help

Stopping at “failure”. For me a big part of being able to finish was realizing that failure didn’t need to be the end, and redefining failures as a part of the process. Being able to work through perceived failures - such as missed deadlines, missed opportunities, and severed partnerships from people I was collaborating with to name a few - was a big part of gaining the resilience I needed to finish my projects. There is a lot to be said for getting back up after we are knocked down. Many big successes were marked by what appeared like failures along the way, and in hindsight, we learn the lessons from those “failures” that give us the skills and patience required to finish the job. 

What helped

Being resilient and seeing the long game. I came to understand that failure is a part of the process, the bumps along the road so to speak, and I had to learn to take those failures in our stride (even if I whined a little first. Or a LOT). Of course I was upset and disappointed, and I sometimes struggled to handle those emotions, and still be able to take action after the fact. Dealing with those difficult emotions is also a part of the process of finishing. I am shocked sometimes at the range of emotions that I went through when are finishing projects - especially those that are really meaningful to me. I experienced feeling like a fraud - who was I to make such achievements? Sometimes I felt as if I was not smart or strong or fit enough to reach my goals. Or I was worried or fearful of the changes that being successful in this goal bring. And in addition to facing failures, we need to face these emotions and be able to act in spite of them. Here is where I found that lowering the stakes (I mentioned this earlier) helped with making the emotions more manageable. In addition, taking an approach of curiosity, and experimenting in the process means that instead of feeling like you failed, instead you can see it as an experiment that needs tweaking. And sometimes things went wrong and I whined, cried or called a friend. Sometimes I did all three. And then I figured out how to continue working towards the goal.

What didn’t help

Delayed gratification. While this has its place, I had to unlearn my tendency to want to wait until the very very end to celebrate, and until then, believing that nothing else will do. Experience has taught me - that isn’t very helpful. It was hard to push through everything I mentioned so far - the fears, the emotions, the failure, the perfectionism - without some positive reinforcement along the way. Waiting until the very end to celebrate or even acknowledge progress left me depleted and made the journey feel like a constant uphill battle.

What helped

Celebrating the small wins throughout the process really helped. This meant that I noticed my progress, and in addition, having and acknowledging those wins helped me build confidence and notice the skills I was developing along the way. It made it easier for me to get back up after failures, because I could see just how far I had come, and what I had learned along the way. And getting back up after a “failure” and moving forward - that is also a win in my book!!

I realize now that I could write so much on this subject. While starting a big project or goal can take a huge effort, I found finishing required a different sort of mindset, and as I became better at finishing what I started, I also learned to give myself compassion throughout the process and have some fun!! While it is true that the journey is just as important as the result, sometimes how we do the journey gives us a better chance of getting the result, and of feeling good when we do. And it gives us a great chance of not just creating a result, but creating in us resilience and adaptability - which we can take into all of our projects going forward.

Here are some more links to relevant posts I have written that will help you finish what you started. And next week we continue talking about - lessons I learned in the past years. I would love to hear about the lessons you have learned over the past few years, what goals are you working on or thinking of setting? I can’t wait to hear about you finishing what you started!!

You can order my book here on Amazon!!

Read here about Lowering the Stakes.

And check out part 1 of this post here.

And I send you big love from a small island.

PS Above is me signing my books on the day that I first laid eyes on them!