Permission to be an idealist
You can listen to an audio version of this post below!
I am an idealist.
One of my favourite people in the world called me an idealist recently and I don’t think that she meant is as a compliment. She followed it up by gently explaining to me that we don’t live in an ideal world, and that there is no room here for idealism.
I was disappointed with what she said. Not about being an idealist. I had never used that word to describe myself, but the more I think about it, the more delighted I am with it. And let’s face it, she is right - we don’t live in an ideal world…
What disappointed me was her assertion that there is no room for idealism here. She and I have lived numerous lives, and if we are lucky we still have a fair few more to go. And some days I struggle with the reality that with every life, I have to work harder to fight off the cynicism that is threatening to envelope me as life gets more “life-y”.
In reality, I know that one of my issues boils down to the fact that I am so resistant to the current state of the world. It feels like it’s hard to keep hold of my ideals and my idealistic vision for the world in one hand, as well as dealing with the reality of what is happening in the other hand. Often I feel sad about the possibility that we may never get to an ideal vision of the world in my lifetime, while understanding that it is still important to hold onto it.
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I recently wrote out a series of “I believe” statements because I was feeling very conflicted around my Writing Black Joy project. On the one hand, I was comfortable that I created exactly what I wanted. On the other hand, it felt as if it was colliding with some of my more idealistic visions for the world. I am going to include them below.
Honestly, I struggle with the fact that I don’t know if it is possible to create something that is both ideal and works for the world today, or know where I need to bring in compromise without losing my enthusiasm. On the one hand I want to be true to my vision. On the other hand, acting as if it’s already out there sometimes feels as if it’s just reinforcing the current systems and structures that are in place that are actually working against my vision.
Often when this happens, I get stuck in indecision. The ideas stay in my journals or on my phone. I talk about them and plan them but I don’t actually execute. The start date gets pushed back and back and back by days, months, years. And then it becomes another “remember when I had that idea to …” as I watch someone else do something similar, and take the risk to do it messy. And I won’t lie - sometimes when I see that someone else has done it, I feel a sigh of relief that a proper grown up has taken the reins and handled the project in the way that it deserves.
I think that many of us experience this, particularly when we are idealists. A guest of Writing Black Joy - Yvonne Ator - told me that she is taking back the word idealist because she believes it is wonderful to hold a vision for the world, even as we are working in a place that doesn’t resemble it.
Listening to her also reminded me of the quote by George Bernard Shaw - All great truths begin as blasphemies. It reminded me that if we have any hope for an ideal world coming into being, we first must dream. We first must hold a clear vision of our ideal. Only then is there any chance of it happening.
And so here I am doing just that. Giving myself permission to dream. To hold onto my ideal. Today’s permission slip that I give myself is to allow myself to be an idealist.
To hold my vision of the world.
To feel sad and weep a little when the world doesn’t live up to it.
To feel conflicted between my vision and what is happening right now.
To be a little angry and stomp around a bit.
And then to take action. Messy imperfect action. And then to begin all over again.
Are you an idealist? How do you hold your vision while working in the real world?
And where do you need to give yourself a permission slip today?
Let me know in the comments, and I send you big love from a small island.
PS below are my I believe statements. Writing I believe statements is a wonderful exercise and a way to dig deep.
I believe I am here to connect all people through joyful stories.
I believe in Black Joy. For too long I have observed that in media, Black pain is highlighted and Black joy is not seen as important, or relatable (and sometimes it doesn’t even seem possible for us as a collective). But I believe that Black joy is essential, and that it should be written about, spoken about, performed and seen.
I believe all stories must be told. I believe in telling all stories. Traumatic stories honor and expose experiences that might otherwise remain hidden. And stories of joy honor and expose the full range of our experiences, and help us to celebrate.
I believe that Black stories are humanity's stories. Singling out Black stories does not encourage collective unity, and reinforces the “otherness” of our people. While these stories can build empathy, the way they are singled out doesn’t always build connection. I believe that unity will come when these stories are seen as all of our stories and we connect through their content rather than being divided through their characteristics.
I believe that Black joy should be both celebrated AND ordinary. My vision is of a world where Black joy is not considered rare but is experienced with such frequency and observed with such regularity that it’s absence raises more alarm and surprise than it’s presence.
I believe in equity. That everyone deserves to have their needs met in their own unique ways.
I believe in unity. Not the type of unity where we are all in agreement about everything or have the same thoughts but the unity that comes from the belief in and respect that each person has for all others, within the acceptance of our common humanity.
I believe in diversity. I do not believe that unity will occur with separation, division or monochromatic spaces. Therefore, while these spaces where individuals gather with those who they share common identities with are necessary, so are spaces which celebrate that we all share common identities AND that we are diverse not only in composition, but also in thoughts and ideas, with acceptance and respect.
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