Owning your personal story, and being an "Everyday Storyteller"
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“I am just an ordinary person - who would want to hear my story?”
“Don’t I have to be a celebrity to talk about myself?”
“I don’t have anything important to say!”
“I am not a writer.”
“I don’t even know what I would write about!”
“I don’t want to be front and centre.”
I have these conversations with people every day. As a storyteller and story listener, I am always imploring people to tell their stories, and to share them publicly, but I often hear the same objections as to why even those who feel a burning desire to share their story do not.
In addition, there is an element of fear. Fear of being in the spotlight and fear of criticism. Many people tell me that they don’t know if they would be brave enough to start a blog, or write a book. The truth is - I understand these feelings, and I feel that way myself. And while I can’t make the fears and worries go away, I am here to encourage you to tell your story anyway - and show you all of the surprising benefits that come with being an everyday storyteller not only to us, but to our societies and the world at large.
How do we benefit from owning and telling our stories?
It builds creativity. I used to believe that I didn’t have enough good ideas to write about. But in truth, I discovered that the more I wrote, the more the ideas came to me, and this happened both in writing fiction and non-fiction! The truth is that creativity breeds more of itself once you use it, and it is only when you try to hoard it, or hold yourself back that you find yourself running out of ideas.
I find ideas all around me - in the conversations I have, in the music and dialogue I listen to on the radio, and the books I read, but I also find them in nature. Writing honed my skills of observation and my ability to record what I observed and my reflections. In a nutshell, if you want more creativity then you have to create. It may seem counterintuitive but I promise - it works
It builds connections. This has been one of the biggest benefits for me - the realization that we are all connected in this world, through many things, and one of the strongest is our shared experiences and stories. Telling our stories allows us to connect with others. No matter where they are from, we can always find points of connection.
“The shortest distance between two people is a story” - Patty Digh.
Connection and community is vital to the human experience. When I began to tell my own story, I found that my existing relationships grew stronger than ever, and I made new connections with others who felt seen and understood through my stories. And when I began listening to the stories of others, I too felt seen and I could empathize with them so much more.
It builds competence. To those who don’t think that they are good at doing it, keep doing it, and you’ll get better. It is true that there are techniques that you can use to become a better storyteller, but remember that sometimes the stories you identify with are the ones that are raw and told from the heart, as opposed to the ones that are polished and rehearsed. So just begin, and your competence will be built from there.
In addition to the personal benefits, ordinary people telling their stories can impact history and change the world. That may sound a bit dramatic, and maybe it is, but it is something I believe in strongly.
How does the world benefit when we tell and own our stories?
When I think of the books I read as a young girl growing up in the Caribbean one thing that I realized was that I could not see myself or my experience in any of them. I longed to hear stories told by people like me for people like me, and it is one of the biggest reasons that I tell my own stories - despite my own fears and doubts. I know now that one of the biggest positive influences on my own life was a belief in my own ability to succeed, built by seeing those who looked like me, or who had lives that appeared similar to mine gaining their own success. It is so important to see ourselves in the stories that we read or consume.
If only the celebrities and those who you think are “worthy” or worse yet “self-centred” are the ones who tell their stories, then I worry that it can make us forget the rich diversity that exists, and we can start to feel inadequate when we do not see our own experiences mirrored to us.
The truth is - I believe that all stories should be told - not just the celebrities, not just the heroes, not just the writers, and the “successful” - but there is a wonderful gift in the everyday stories that come from all of us - even those of us who don’t feel that our stories are interesting enough to be heard. We can write them in our journals, we can tell them to friends, strangers and taxi drivers. It may not be everyone’s desire to write a book, or start a blog, but I also don’t want people who do desire these things to talk themselves out of it because they don’t think they are important enough to do so.
And in case there was any doubt that the world needs us everyday storytellers to tell our stories, here are 5 benefits that come from doing just that.
1. We can smash stereotypes. I have written about this in the past. Stereotypes are common beliefs about groups of people. We like to put people into easy boxes or categories, and when we do this, we may inadvertently box ourselves in as well. This may lead us to become self fulfilling prophecies of what “people like us” are able to do and achieve. When we tell our stories, we have the potential to destroy the stereotypes that keep us stuck in the belief that we need to be what others want us to be, and we force them to see us for what we truly are.
2. We can begin to impact the algorithms. So many of the algorithms that govern our lives are based on stereotypes and bias. While there is a lot of work to be done to unravel this, I always encourage people to tell their stories so that we can get them out into the world, and have an impact on the narratives that are out there, and make it harder for even the algorithms to ignore our existence.
3. We can leave a legacy. I often think about the history that I have read and learned about when I was at school. At the time, it allowed me to build up a picture of what the world was like in the past. But as an adult, I can now see that much of the history is written by people with one particular lens of the world. I so believe it is important to leave our voices and stories as a legacy to those who come after us, so that they can have a picture of the world as seen from many lenses. Telling our stories allows us to leave our stamp on the world so that in a hundred years time people don’t think that the world was populated with celebrities.
4. We can set an example. As I mentioned above, we can be an example to other people like us that they too can overcome their doubts and fears, and start to explore what is possible for them. When we tell our stories we can make others feel less alone in their own stories - in the same way that we feel seen and less alone when we see ourselves in the stories of others.
5. We can save lives. In my own life, I have learned that secrets can destroy. I know the feeling of wanting to keep parts of our stories secret due to shame and stigma. These can be our journeys of poor mental health, of mistakes or bad choices that we made, of consequences that were unexpected. But holding in those secrets and the shame that goes with it can be so detrimental. It can impact our lives, our joy, and our self confidence, and it can lead to stress and inner conflict. And it can lead to outer conflict as it impacts our relationships, as we feel that we have to keep large parts of ourselves hidden from others, stifling intimacy. It can even lead to our children and families not knowing about their own history, and this can have great impacts on their health as well.
Telling our stories may take a great act of courage, but sometimes it is the most important thing we can do. And sometimes the first person we need to tell those stories to is ourselves, and the bravest thing we can do is to simply write it in a journal. By owning our stories, we can save lives, starting with our own.
So - there are so many great reasons to get out there and tell your story - even if it doesn’t feel big or important. And if even one of these reasons resonates with you, get out a journal, open up a document on your phone or computer, and start writing. You have no idea the wonderful journey that awaits you when you do.
And I send you big love from a small island!
If you are ready to start writing your book, then check out my new group program that starts on 1 November - Story to Author!
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PPPS - was fortunate enough to find a number of beautiful images from Pixabay and Social Squares