Overcoming the fear of judgement in your writing

You can listen to the audio version of this post below

A recent conversation with a long time friend left me inspired to write this post. I have been sliding the links to my blog posts into her DM’s for the longest time, and she has finally confessed that she wants to start her own blog. She had two concerns and so this post (and the next one) are for her - and for those of you like her who want to start blogging but are holding back. 

I have always found it amazing how insidious fear is. Sometimes we feel like we have perfectly good reasons for not doing something, when in truth it is just fears chipping away at our confidence in the form of perfectly reasonable objections. Today I am writing about what I call “the fear of what’s next”. Whenever I have spoken to people who struggle with this, the conversation often starts out with someone telling me that they won’t or can’t start writing because they are a perfectionist, or because they don’t know which platform to use, or that they were bad at English (to name a few). 

A deeper conversation leads to them revealing that they really are worried about what people will say about their writing (like a friend from high school, or even their mother!). It is a fear of being judged by others for things about yourself that you may not have shared publicly before. It is a fear of rejection by those who are in our space - for holding a different opinion or set of values. It is the fear of being vulnerable, and of feeling exposed. And these fears can feel big and deep, and they are fears that find us all as humans. In fact, it can be easier for the fear to hide behind being a perfectionist, or worrying about not being a good enough writer, and forgetting your high school grammar. 

The truth is, often we think we are afraid of an action, when really we are afraid of what happens next.

As an aside, before I continue, lets address the question of “good” writing, and high school English classes. As someone who has written for all types of settings ranging from academic writing to penning song parodies to be performed on stage, I have come to the conclusion that good writing is writing that connects with the intended reader. That is all. It is less about the grammar (although if you really are worried there is software for that) and more about who are you writing for, and what would connect best with them. Is it shorter paragraphs? Is it less formal English, and a slang that you are both familiar with?

I am currently reading Love after Love - a brilliant novel by one of my favourite authors Ingrid Persaud, and it is set in Trinidad, so there are some turns of phrase that are unique to that dialect. Does that make it bad writing - because the grammar isn’t correct? On the contrary - it makes it authentic, and makes me feel like I am back in Trinidad, sitting at my friend’s house, listening to her and her mom having a conversation. 

Think about the writing that you enjoy. Are you noticing the spelling errors and grammar? (and if you are, you might want to look away - I know I sometimes still have some in mine). Or are you thinking about how you feel when you read it - like it was written just for you? Remember that there are different styles of writing, and what you learned in school may not be suitable for social media posts, or blogs. So forget about that high school English teacher, and just write what is in your mind and on your heart. 

Now - back to “what happens next”.

Because even when you have written your post and edited it, and you are happy with it, sometimes you are still stopped in your tracks by the fear of judgement and rejection. And I too am plagued with it. I recently wrote a post which was eventually shared widely, and I was so afraid of what others would think about it that I created it as a hidden post on my website. (I’ll place the link below in case you are interested). In fact it was only shared because the friend who I send everything to enjoyed it so much that she put it out onto social media - with my permission of course. All writers have those fears, so first I want you to take some deep breaths and know that you are in good company. And then I want you to consider the three things below that help me to write and share despite my fears.

1. I know WHY I write. I have written extensively about this before - I write to represent my culture and my background. Because I want women who look like me to be inspired to write and share their own stories because the world needs our voices. It needs more points of view out there - not just those from dominant cultures. And if YOU want more reasons than this, then check out my recent post about owning your personal story and being an everyday storyteller.

When I feel afraid, I come back to my reasons for writing every single time. I remind myself that I cannot let fears stop me from putting my voice out there, because this is too important. And then I send it to a friend and ask her to share it for me if I need a little push to get the ball rolling (and I am happy to be that friend for anyone who needs!)

2. I know WHO I am writing for. This too is important. As I said above - good writing is writing that connects with the intended audience. So if you are afraid of someone’s reaction, ask yourself - is this the intended audience? If you are writing about your experience so that someone else going through it doesn’t feel alone, then it doesn’t need to resonate with those who have not walked that path. And they might not understand it, and so you may not get desired reactions from them. So remind yourself that your writing is not for everyone, just like everyone’s writing isn’t for you, and share it so that it can reach those who need it the most.

One thing that helped me with this a lot was reading the book Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang. You can read my review of the book here, but one of the favourite things I read there is below:

A quote that stuck with me from George Bernard Shaw - All great truths begin as blasphemy. It was given as a testament to the fact that some of the best ideas start out as rejections, and that creativity and moving away from the norm is often met with criticism and rejection. So that if I think something is going to be rejected, then it's probably a great idea!

3. I get into a safe community. Having a community of other writers has been EVERYTHING to me. Being able to go there for support when I am scared to share has allowed me to put myself out there more. And the space being safe has meant that I can share it on a smaller scale, before putting it out into the world as well.

I love turning to other writers who understand what I am going through, and who help me gain the courage to put my work out into the world. (And I have created a Facebook community for that purpose - so join me if you like!)

I wish I could tell you that your fears will go away the more you write. But being able to write and to share is more about honoring that fear, and having a motivation and a community that is bigger than it, and sharing anyway. (And if you are having a bad day - do NOT read the comments LOL!)

I hope that I have encouraged you to put your work out there more. Next week, I will talk about how to choose what you are writing about - especially if you feel as if you have too many ideas (or not enough!) 

And to my friend - you know who you are. Get writing, and call me if you need anything.

I send all of you big love from a small island.

PS - I loved the printing press image above that I found on Pixabay

And if you want to read my recent post then here it is - Dear White People - come to the edge.