Happy International Women's Day 2020
Happy International Women’s day to everyone!
I knew for quite some time I wanted to write a post for International Women’s day, as I have done in the past, and I spent a fair amount of time looking back at all of the posts I have written about being a woman. I was actually surprised at how many they were (I have listed them at the bottom of the post). I considered doing a roundup of some of my favourite lessons on the subject. I agonized over whether to focus on the positive, or to highlight the hardships that women still face every day. I worried because I didn’t actually hit publish in time for the day. But the truth is - this year there was only one thing on my mind, and I wanted to share it.
As a teen and young adult, I worried that I would have gaps in my knowledge about how to be a woman. My mum passed away, and while I had aunts and my grandmother, I didn’t feel as if I even knew what questions I needed to ask to learn what I wanted to know. I felt too embarrassed to ask these questions, thinking that I should know them already. How to talk to guys, how to know if they were interested, how to sit with my legs closed, apply makeup and walk like a lady. And if there was one thing I wished I understood then it would be that there is no right way to be a woman, and there is no wrong way. There is no mysterious knowledge that I needed. No mysterious actions to take.
Showing up without makeup is ok.
Not having or wanting children is ok.
Not liking dresses is ok.
Not understanding men is ok.
Speaking your truth is ok.
There is no committee judging us, and they don’t matter if they are.
I do not need “the knowing” when it comes to being a woman. I already know everything I need to know. And so do you.
I needed to hear that recently, and perhaps you do too.
I am currently working on a fictional piece that explores this topic and here is an excerpt from that.
…I want you to remember two things. The first is that there is NO wrong way to “be a woman”, nor is there a right way. I don’t believe that you have to wear makeup, or heels, or even close your legs when you sit down. So many of the “rules” of being ladylike did not come about because women were feeling strongly connected to their femininity, in fact, the opposite is true, and we have been encouraged to disconnect from it in many cases.
Also a number of these myths and traditions have been perpetuated by men, cultures and society (including women), and women have often felt that they should just go along with it. You are young now, and I hope that you are able to buck the trend and be whatever type of woman you want to.
The second thing I want you to remember is that none of us knows what we are doing. It is easy to look at your friends navigating relationships and feel like if they have it all figured out and that you are clueless, but you’ll find out soon enough that they were just trying on the things that they read, or learned from older sister, cousins and aunties, without knowing if they would work either.
There are so many of us women who have gotten the shock of our lives in our 20s and 30s where we realized that many of the things we thought we knew about being women in relationships were not set in stone, and we are constantly learning what it means to us to be women…
Short and sweet today.
Happy International Women’s day.
And below you will find a few of the other posts I have written on the subject.
And I send you big love from a small island.
Check out more posts about my thoughts on being a woman.
On Strong Women who Have Everything
The Power of Supportive community
International Women’s Day 2018
International Women’s Day 2019
What it means to me to be a woman
How I learned to be more visible